When clients grieve and turn on YOU
One of my friends just lost their dog, and asked me if I thought their vet had acted correctly.
It’s a fair question, and one I know for sure a lot of clients ask themselves when their pets die.
Clients act in many different ways when they experience loss, and it can be hard for us as the vets to be on the receiving end of suspicion, blame, questioning, regret, guilt, anger, or pure grief. So when the grieving pet owner blames the vet:
I want you to understand, it is NEVER about YOU.
It’s not a YOU problem, it’s a THEM problem.
No matter what they say or do, in reality you were never their problem (unless of course you are a terrible vet and person that really doesn’t give a shit about animals, in which case this is not for you).
In order to handle difficult situations with clients when they lose a pet that was in your care, you need to understand 2 things:
- As much as a client can threaten you, put in a complaint against you and make life harder for you for a while, if you can separate the facts from the emotions that come up and not feel attacked PERSONALLY, you’ll deal with it so much better and not let it take over your life and time off work
- Most people do not know how to handle grief, and many will try to cover it up with another, easier to handle emotion that hurts less, such as anger or resentment.
Losing a pet can be incredibly difficult for clients, and sometimes the pet's death is unfair and horrible (like the 3 year old cat that was shot on my last shift, who dragged herself home with a septic abdomen). Nobody shows us how to handle these things emotionally (let’s learn about the mitochondria and trigonometry in school instead, much more useful), so when our pets die, we think we’ll feel better if we can find the why, and somehow reverse the injustice we think has happened.
Realising this has helped me immensely to not take it personally when clients complain, either about me or other vets, because I get it and understand where they’re coming from.
Sometimes the client will feel guilty because deep down they think they should have done more, but taking this blame is also too painful for them, and again, it’s easier to blame the veterinary staff than face that pain.
It can seem unfair that we should face a shit show because some other adult person doesn’t know how to handle their emotions (I call it being in emotional childhood), but understanding that they literally DON’T KNOW any other way can help US having compassion for them and realise it’s a THEM problem, not a ME problem, do you see what I mean?
Of course if we are facing threats or complaints, we need to deal with them in an appropriate manner. But taking all the inner drama out of it will help us not get dragged into THEIR drama, which would make us feel stressed and upset about it 24/7 until the issue is resolved.
When I say take out our inner drama, I mean all the spinning in our heads over what we did and said, what we should have done or said instead, what the client should have done or said instead, how the client should be different, why is this happening to me, etc. All these thoughts boil down to one thing: Arguing with reality.
Whatever happened, happened. And the clients are as they are. None of this can be changed by us having long inner arguments over it.
Taking a step back and gaining an outer perspective when a client questions our worth or actions, will help you deal much better, and help you stay in emotional adulthood. Learn to let the clients be who they are, and don’t try to change how they feel or act, because that’s a THEM problem. You deal with your end, and don’t go down the road of self blame and guilt, it doesn’t help anyone, and won’t make the client feel any better.
Hope this helps you next time you have a client giving you a hard time!
In your corner,
P.S. Want some support in this? Book your free consult here and let's find out how I can help you.