Complaints, part 2
Yesterday I explained why and how a complaint actually has nothing to do with you. It is therefore limited how much you can change the client’s view, and opinion about you.
But YOU can control what you think and feel about it and change YOUR experience!
Here’s how to get through it in a way it’ll pass quicker and you might learn from it:
- Let yourself feel all the anger, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, betrayal, shame and sadness.
You might not even be able to put a name on it, but you can feel where it is in your body. Is it in your chest? Stomach? Throat? Is it tight or palpating?
Breathe into it and recognize it’s normal to feel like this when you’re “under attack”.
Nothing has gone wrong - you’re having a normal, human response to an uncomfortable situation.
- Provide your nervous system with safety before you deal with anything.
Often we want to take action straight away and defend ourselves/attack back. PAUSE, and acknowledge you’re not feeling yourself right now.
DON’T buffer by eating/drinking/going on social.
Walk in nature.
Sit quietly with your feet planted firmly on the floor, put your hands on your chest and belly and whisper “I am safe. I am safe”. Hug yourself.
Speak to someone you trust, maybe a loved one, and let them comfort you. Don't be afraid to ask for support. This is not the moment to play hero - zero reason for not accepting any help and support you can get.
- Then journal your version of the events. Explain your reasons to act how you did, and recognize you probably couldn’t have done anything different with the information you had THEN. This is for yourself so you can stop the brain spin, not to share with anyone else (unless you want to and find it useful.
Let yourself go to the worst case scenario: “I’ll get expelled from the college, I’ll get fired, I’ll have to pay a huge amount of money, everyone will hate me, I’ll end up living on the streets”.
Notice that no matter how bad the worst case scenario can be: You can totally deal with it. You will be ok.
But it’s important that you pull every thought out in the open, so they’re not allowed to hide and fester - facing them straight on will take a LOT of air out of the sails.
- Ask your insurer or network for legal support. Don’t try to deal with it on your own: it’s scary, it’s overwhelming and that’s why we have people to help us (in the UK VDS give amazing support every step of the way).
Even if you’re not dealing with an official complaint, if you’re a victim of a troll on social media there are legal implications and you should get all the support you can get and set an example.
- Once you’ve dealt with it (and through this a lot of feelings will come up again - take your time to process as per step 1), see if there’s anything you can learn from it.
Often there’s a hint of truth in a complaint. Acknowledging that for yourself, accepting you’re human, and being willing to learn and improve for future cases, will make you grow in all areas.
And if you can accept you’re not perfect, and never will be because you’re human, it will take some of the fear off around getting another complaint.
6. Learn to be ok with people being wrong about you. Someone thinks you’re a money grabbing, heartless vet? THEIR problem, not yours.
YOU know who you are, and so do the people you care about and love. You can’t be liked by everyone. And you can’t control what others think about you.
Complaints truly don’t mean anything about you. So don’t let them drag you down - don’t let them taint this profession you love so much