The emotional toll of euthanasia: how vets can process compassion fatigue
Who became a vet to kill pets?
Oh, no one?
None the less, we do a LOT of it. Euthanasias are one of those things we do non-stop in any clinic, and as traumatising as the first ones are, after a while we become quite used to it, one way or the other.
Often when I'm in a euthanasia, owners will say something along the lines of "I don't know how you do it", or "this must be the hardest thing of being a vet". And I'm quite honest with them: I explain it's NOT the hardest at all, because my main priority is to make sure an animal doesn't suffer. And sometimes, euthanasia is the best answer!
I'll also say, after experiencing my brother's demise after a week in coma, euthanasia is a privilege humans don't get, and I'm so grateful to have it in my tool box as a vet.
BUT; we've got to be careful in vet med of not:
1) Caring in such a way that it affects us for longer periods and we can't shake it out of work. It's the "It shouldn't have happened" and "We could have done more" and "If only they'd brought him in sooner" thoughts that lurk in the background, on a loop, dragging us down like walking in sticky mud.
There's also something I really struggled with, which is the whole human factor:
- Little old dog is the last living being in this little old lady's life, and she half jokingly says we might as well do her as well as she's got no one else now.
- Cat with irreversible heart disease which was bought as a kitten for a baby that never took a breath
- Crippled ancient dog only thing left from the son that died as a teen on his moped
2) Coping by telling ourselves we don't care at all (compassion fatigue), which robs us of our humanity and makes us into people no one really wants to be around.
There is a middle way:
- Accept what is happening, even if the owners can't, when you have a particularly sad case. Accepting doesn't mean agreeing when it's unfair, only that you realise you can't change it and stop arguing with facts. Such as, when they don't have the money to do more. Or that you COULD have done something if they'd brought him in sooner. They didn't. This is what you've got now.
- Let yourself feel compassionate towards pet and owners, but remember their pain is not yours to carry. You can feel empathy AND realise it's not your burden. You can absolutely cry with them if that's what you feel like, but that doesn't mean you have to internalise it and carry it with you.
Your job is to support them through it, both with your clinical AND your humane skills. Even when it feels like you're not doing much; being there, making them feel seen and heard, means the world to them. Lean into how much you've actually done, just by being there, being you, in that moment.
• If a case really gets to you (like my naked cat case 😭), LET yourself feel it. Go somewhere quiet for a few minutes (this could be an excellent moment to practice boundary setting), and process the feeling, don't push it away. Accept how you're feeling, and don't make it mean anything about you, or that you should be reacting differently, or that you're not cut out for this, or whatever your brain sprays you with at unholy hours. * You've got my podcast episode 83 to help you process it here.
• If your brain is spiralling out over it, give it space to vent and analyse by journaling for 5 mins, even just on the notes app on your phone. Don't try to push it away, genuinely listen to your brain and let it come up with all the what ifs so you can face them and realise you don't have to spin in it. You can also use my 3 step evaluation to bring it back to neutral.
LAST: I care that you care. Caring is good. We are the best people. Just don't let it take over your life.
In your corner,
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