Mostly I was basically happy just getting my patients alive through the night...
“Have you done ^%&&%&(_] test or did you check the +_((*{“?±!±@ ….?”
Sorry, whaaaat…🤯??
My sleepy brain wasn’t really taking in what exactly they were asking.. I could feel my heart beating hard and fast, and EVERYONE’S eyes on me, waiting for some intelligent, evidence-based answer… 👀
“Eeehmm … no, but he’s still alive, right?”
This was my reality most mornings at rounds after a busy night shift.
I was doing nights at a veterinary referral centre, and had sole charge during the night together with two nurses and a kennel assistant, often taking care of up to 20 inpatients, while dealing with a flow of incoming emergencies from other practices.
So most nights I was basically happy just carrying everyone alive (including me and the other staff!!!) to the morning and have a more or less presentable hospital ready for the morning team.
Unfortunately the day vets seemed intent on poking holes in what had been done (and especially NOT done). Looking back, I’m sure they didn’t mean anything by it, and were just focused on getting a plan quickly and do the best for each patient, but because I felt so insecure and was constantly questioning myself, doubting my decisions and abilities, it felt to me like the Spanish Inquisition every morning.
I left that job after a year, truly burnt out and not excited at all about being a night vet anymore. I felt like a failure every single morning, and it was debilitating and exhausting.
It’s not until I really worked on what was actually making me feel like this that I bounced back: My own thoughts. My own brain finding all the evidence I wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t good enough, comparing me with everyone else (some of which were specialists) and not celebrating ANY of the wins we had (and there were many!).
The thing is, nobody can make you feel useless, inferior or unworthy UNLESS your brain agrees with them, even just a bit. Question the thoughts that are causing you to feel like this. Don’t give up, thinking you’re just not enough.
It’s not about trying to think happy thoughts (impossible if you’re feeling like shit, by the way), but EXPLORING the thoughts that are making you feel like this.
In your corner,
P.S: If you're ready to take this work one step further, pick out the thoughts that are making you feel burnt out or unworthy and find out how you can create your dream vet life, reach out for your complimentary consult and let's do it together