"I won't be held to ransom" - Breeder's delight 👀🙈
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“I won't be held to ransom, there’s plenty of other vets out there that can do the job” - was something we were told over the phone the other night when a bulldog (of course!) breeder called enquiring about the price of a c-section.
(I’m sorry but I’m not going to hold back on my opinion of bulldogs as a breed nor about the people that breed them - scroll on if I hurt your feelings - which I can’t, because they’re your own responsibility :D)
Anyway, this post is not about bulldogs, but about handling rude clients and how it’s actually ok to just let them be rude, and exist in this world.
How do I know it’s ok? Because they exist, and arguing with that or trying to change them (good luck with that!!!), is literally like trying to mop the beach dry. Or, as Byron Katie says: “If you argue with reality, reality will always win.”
Why oh why does it get our hackles up so quickly when someone says something we perceive as highly insulting to us? I mean, I don’t care a flying monkey about bulldog breeders. I would never ask for their opinion about my hair style or if they like my husband. WHY does it touch our deepest nerves then, when they say something we don’t agree with?
We all have a manual for what we think is right and wrong.
In my manual, for example, I have statements such as:
- Breed dogs that can actually breathe normally
- Breed dogs that don’t need to be cut open to have their babies out
- Be respectful to other people
- Don’t insult medical personnel if you want their help
- Don’t argue surgical prices as if you were shopping for Mariachi hats.
- And a million more statements that I ASSUME other people have as well.
But, lo and behold, every person's manual is different!!
Not a big surprise, really, when we consider we create our manuals over time, through all the experiences we accumulate since babies, from what we see in our families, friends, country, school, etc. And those experiences are different for all of us!
But we all think that everyone else has the same manual as us! That’s why it’s such a shock when people do or say something we perceive as WAY out of the manual. We want to convince them that they should have the same manual as us (the RIGHT one, obviously!). We also want them to like and accept OUR manual. It’s a deep instinct, back from the stone-age, when it was extremely important to belong in the tribe and share the same values, or we would literally die.
Nowadays, if a bulldog breeder doesn't share my values, it doesn’t mean I’m going to die. But it can FEEL that way, because it’s such a shock to our system when people do not share our values at all, and go against everything in our manual. And it’s incredibly hard to let them be wrong about us. Stone-age brain REALLY wants to convince the other person that we are GOOD, and we want to be accepted, and have our manual accepted, because it feels like survival is at play here.
Knowing this, being aware that it’s just instinct kicking in getting my hackles up, my respiratory rate up, and starting a wild heart beat, can help in the moment. You don’t need to DO anything, just ride it out and accept not all people have got your manual on board. Then you can make rational decisions without the drama: “Do I really want to see these people?” “How can I make sure they actually pay before they kidnap the dog and puppies?” and “How can I calm down and perform as a surgeon so the mum and pups are as safe as possible?” .
And then run and sign whatever it is we need to sign to stop this from happening, again and again.
In your corner,
P.S: If you want help to become more confident, believe you’re 100% worthy already as you are, and feel relaxed and reassured when dealing with clients, you can sign up for a free consult with me. In these 50 minutes, we’ll look at what your patterns are when dealing with clients, and any other issues in your day to day veterinary work, and how you can overcome them with the tools I teach.
HERE is the link to book your free exploratory session: