How to face uncomfortable conversations in vet medđŸŸđŸ™Š

By Gunila Pedersen • • 3 min read

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Hi {{ subscriber.first_name }}

A coach I follow and admire, Rich Litvin says:

”Everything you want is on the other side of an uncomfortable conversation”

How true is that?? And how often do we fret, procrastinate and try to avoid these conversations?

Well, as a veterinarian, you’re going to have a LOT of these.

  • Telling the owners the prognosis is bad
  • Facing an owner complaining over price
  • Explaining a mistake has been made
  • Having to make a phone call with bad news
  • Asking the owner how they want to proceed with the remains of their dead pet

Recognise any of these conversations?

You probably recoil just thinking about having them, right?

You don’t have to be at work in order to have them:

  • Breaking up with your partner
  • Calling home to say you’ll be late - again
  • Confessing to your partner you’ve accumulated significative depth
  • Any conversation about something that’s not working in the relationship
  • Asking for a refund (if you’re like me - I’ve actually never been able to do it :D)

But WHY, exactly, is it so hard for us to have uncomfortable conversations? Why are they even uncomfortable in the first place? I mean - something happens, and we relate it to another human. Piece of cake, right?

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The only problem here is our anticipation of how we’re going to feel. We anticipate the reaction the other person is going to have (our brain going to all sorts of incredibly unhelpful scenarios), and imagine how we’re going to feel about it. That’s it. It’s literally because we’re afraid of the feeling we’re going to have, as a response to the other person's reaction.

So if you’re going to tell a client that histopathology has come back osteosarcoma, you might anticipate their grief. Maybe you remember having said “I don’t think it’s anything bad, but
”, and now deeply regret those words, imagining the client blaming you. You anticipate the client asking for a cure, and know you can’t give them one, feeling helpless. You might be afraid of not knowing what to say. And if the patient is a well known pet, you might be handling your own grief on top of everything else.

But all the time you’re fretting and procrastinating in order to delay the conversation, you’re ALREADY feeling all those feelings, because your brain is going through all the possible scenarios as if you were living them! So you’re really just PROLONGING the time you’re going to feel these uncomfortable emotions.

And, you’re arguing with reality: The prognosis exists already. You waiting to communicate it to someone else is not going to make it go away.

So how can we face these conversations head on and just get it done?

By being willing to feel these emotions, instead of taking them as a sign that something has gone terribly wrong and we need to run away. Feeling regret, anxiety, guilt, shame, helpless and grief is part of the human experience, and you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel them. Learn to lean into it, breathe into it, and even name it: Oh, I can feel a knot in my stomach, my breathing has quickened and I struggle to swallow - this is anxiety.

And bring it along to the conversation. You can’t make it go away beforehand by analysing everything that MAY be said in the conversation, trying to work through it and make it ok before you speak. Learn to have uncomfortable conversations, and your peace of mind is on the other side.

In your corner,

P.S. If you're ready to take your human experience to the next level, don't hesitate to reach out for a free consult so we can look at where you're at and how I can help you: https://calendly.com/gunila-lifecoach/free-exploratory-session​

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